Jobs etc…

Well, suddenly i feel that I am doing justice to the name of my blog! These really are confessions I need to make to myself. Keeping thoughts inside me doesnt seem to be of any good. Surprisingly I am not sharing my thoughts with anyone. And look, how easy it is for me to pen down my nuances here. Not being bothered by thinking who will read my thoughts! Seems to be magic.

If any of you have seen Harry Potter, then you should recall something called as a Pensieve.                                                                                                              dumbledore.

For those who don’t know what it is, a pensieve is a  magical device which can store memories. And when needed we can view these memories. I really wish this could be true! So many threads of memories jammed up in the head. A pensieve would definitely make the brain light! I guess for us writing could be our Pensieve. Ok… now for some grief pent up inside. So hear i pour them.

I came back to India after 2 years. Things seem to have changed. Prices,polution,population,noise, and I can go on. Now my friends tell me “Badi aayi America waali”( dont act like an American!) Now after 2 months of staying here i have got used to everything so no more of that sentence.I always say to myself that confidence comes from within. And the only person who can help me is myself. So its important to have faith in oneself. I have forgotten what I had studied 2 years ago.So right now I am doing a recap. When I came here I was all into getting a job mood. But I realised that I should gather up my studies a bit.  Now my husband earns a decent sum of money. Recently he has been talking about trying to do something of his own and thinking about what side job he can do to pay off the bills, loans…..everything. I am unable to tell him that I am utterly disappointed in myself for not getting a job yet. Sometimes I feel I will not be able to do anything. This whole time my parents, good people , books, told  me that we should all do what we love to do. I dont know why right now I feel lost. My friends have reached heights and positions in their jobs. Where as I am still the same state of confusion as to what exactly is it that I love doing, which could be my job. All these thoughts just because i dont have a job yet. Everybody around me seems to be making money doing anything. But just because I have stopped doing anything and searching to do something I would love,is causing me to lose confidence in myself. My friends in America believe that I would definitely reach heights. My parents tell me that it is okay to forget stuff and everything will be fine. My husband believes that I would probably get a job when I am ready.

I stay at home now trying to recollect my bits. And somehow everyday my day ends up in attending to daily chores. Because we have rented a house, it seems to me that there are endless problems in the house which are taking up my time. Plumbers, electricians saying they would come but ending up coming at a time I would just have started my studies. Days wasted just to get things fixed. Utterly disappointed with the way things are working here. The sole time I can give to my work gets to just 4 5 hours and that is absolutely nothing. Being unable to properly do anything, many times I just feel very sad. I just feel I am not trying enough to get a job so that I could help my husband.

Still, I am trying to be positive somehow and planning to make the day go better. There are many things to learn from life. At first I felt that my life is the same after marriage as it was before. But let me put a break there!! It isn’t the same. Hoping for a better time to come. Just a phase which I guess many people may be going through. So people … there it is my crazy, perhaps temporary thoughts. My pensieve is full.

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From an Indian to Everybody

Today I saw a movie called “Hundred Foot Long Journey”. It is one of the few Indo English movies I have seen recently. Talking about the story of the movie I think it was a good one. I felt the movie got stretched at the end but it was ok.  

  What made me write this post today isnt about reviewing the movie. Its something to do with how my country has been depicted.Since the movie  “Slumdog Millionaire”, which was a very nicely crafted movie, I feel the poverty in India has been used too much to depict the country. I mean whats with showing all the slums and crowded streets and everything that doesnt make us very proud? Every place has something which is good and bad. There are movies where introducing India has opening shots like showing only the slum areas, living in dilapidated  places, stray animals everywhere, poor children and i could just go on. Well agreed that we are a nation which needs a lot of developing to do, but why cant you show the places which are beautiful! We do have very clean places and 5 star hotels! 

The movie Hundred Foot Long Journey also showcased from the very first shot the immensely crowded streets of a place and people shouting. A dialogue which says that the chef who has risen from the “gutter” or drain made me feel very very angry. I feel that the way my country is being projected is someway not right. And I dont want the audience to feel connected to it because of the wrong reasons. We have age old culture and modernization all together here. Instead of portraying the side which is not so good I really hope that all the good qualities are shown instead.  As I said there is a good side and a bad side to every place we live in. So I hope people see the beauty of my country instead and learn about all the wonderful culture we are so proud of.

The First Few Days…and next…

One of the things I was worried about after marriage was my clothing. It may seem a very small stupid thing. But imagine having to wear a saree all day with jewellery. (Saree is a looong piece of cloth draped onto oneself, generally women in India wear it). Its a tedious process of covering up the body. Unless you have been wearing it for quite some time and have got used to it.

The art of saree wearingAnd I was always in my jeans and a top everytime before marriage. So I really had a problem wearing sarees. Initially I tried and if I was not very successful in draping myself, I would peep out from the room I had got and see if there were any women to help me fix it!!! And yes 1 or 2 did help me. It was a ritual that I wasn’t supposed to enter the kitchen till 3 days of the marriage. So I literally had nothing else to do except be all dressed up in the morning and sit, ready for more people to come and see me. And I had to put a section of the saree on my head…..as I wasnt supposed to go in front of people with nothing on the head.  I would have worn a cap but…… ofcourse not.

So 3 days went by like that.  Same routine day and night. And yes I wasn’t allowed to sleep on the same bed as my husband’s till day 4. Again custom. Then after 4 days the day came when I was supposed to enter the kitchen and cook something. That day I woke up, got ready and when i came out I saw 4 people cutting vegetables. Well there was no pressure on me as they wern’t talking about me cooking. I was beginning to think that maybe i was spared…..but…ahem ahem….. then came the discussion. I ended up making food for 15 people…. chicken curry , vegetable curry …and a curd dish. And Indian chicken curry is supposed to be spicy else no one likes it… Well cooking never was a problem for me but for 15 people!!! My hand was scolding me and threatening me never to move again!!!! Then I served it to whomever came…. And suddenly there seemed to be more than 15 people….. Well….The chiken curry was a hit!!! And guess what I got money from two people as blessings for making good food……. PayOff!!!!

There were many times in the day that I wanted to spend some time with my husband… But he was kinda kept busy running errands. So it was all new people who came and visited me. And then there were those who had attended the marriage reception and were showing there face again…. “Do you remember me??? ” How would I remember anybody new whom I had met among a crowd of 6 7 hundred odd people… “MMMMM…. yesss I think I do remember!!!” Thats what I said just to be spared from the whole linking up relations to remind me who they were.

Eventually things settled down and by day 6 7 the crowd was a minimum. I started to sleep with my husband. Attended two prayer rituals still wearing saree(aaarrrrrrrrggggg!!!!). What kept me on was a good time of the marriage where  I was supposed to go home to my parents house on the 8th day. I went on  7th night…. and then trust me when I say this….I reached home ….ran inside my room…threw off the saree and changed into my comfy pajamas and gave out a shriek of joy.minion_despicable_me_by_sangreprimitiva-d646doc My parents ofcourse were happy to see me. Although I was supposed to stay for a day ….freedom tasted much sweeter….

Also me and my husband were supposed to go to Phoenix. He was working onsite and I was looking at getting a visa. After 7 days of stay at my home … My visa interview was scheduled in Mumbai, India. And I passed it!! Yeeeaaaaaaahh!!! I was happpyyyy… I was back to my jeans… with my husband… alone in Mumbai…. And then my parents joined us to bid farewell to US. All was well…and then we just flew.

Now I am in Phoenix. Its been 6 and a half months .. Its been a little tough  and I see my mother in law snoring in front of me right now…….but…. thats another story!!!!