A moment

Sometimes it just feels like the whole world is acting against you. I have tried to keep my patience and tried to do something in life. But  failures …. just break the heart.

After 2 years of working I left my job trying to do something which I would love. I joined an animation college and enjoyed studying there for 2 and half years. Got married and came to USA.  I had to manage without doing any work because I was in a dependent visa. But I could study.. So I applied for a college. And today i got a reply that I didnt get through the course I wanted but they could review me for another course, which i dont want. There has been a gap in my studies and work and i feel like I just dont know anything at all! That I have forgotten everything I studied.  I feel scared that I would end up doing nothing. That I have got used to doing nothing but my household chores which take up most of my day! I really want to do something but its fear that keeps me back.

Life is so uncertain. My life is hanging between going back to my hometown and running after jobs which trust me is quite a headache there.  Try to get into some other sort of education which is so costly that the moment I write this I just wipe away that thought. There is also a chance that my husband gets to go to UK and I could work there … if I get any! Its like so many choices are just spread across and when I stand and look I feel nothing will fall in my lap and everything will just vanish. Almost 1 and half years of mostly staying at home and acting as “the perfect ” wife .. I am bored. I do not have the eligibility to work and neither am I getting a college.

Well.. just a bit depressing for me. When I look back and see all the time that I have wasted doing nothing and procrastinating. I wont stop trying though.. I do believe that whatever has to happen best will ultimately happen. Its just sometimes I feel being sad can be justified! But I want to dream big and achieve and it looks like it will take a lot of time. I just hope things fall into place.

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