The Friendship Graph

Today I want to give a thought to friendship. I am not very old neither am I young.  And at this stage I feel that making new friends has become difficult. I had lots when i was in school and college. It seemed to my family that I had too  many friends. And I did feel rich that way!  Till I was studying my friend circle was excellent. Then I joined work. Ofcourse I made new friends there but my old friends did take a step back in priority, although we were connected by social media. I left my job and started some higher education. Lo and behold I had new and many friends again. After I passed out I got married. I came to USA and living the life as a housewife was kind of a very “sometimes happy sometimes irritating” feeling. For few months I knew no one here except for few of my husband’s friends. Then I joined a dance class and made 2 3 friends there.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I message my old friends sometimes and realize that all of them are in a different stream of life now. Married, having kids, going after a dream job etc.And even though I am connected through social media i do not feel that connected. I dont know what is going on in there lives and get updated when they put up pictures and status message on the internet. The two three friends I have are busy doing something or the other. I feel the bonding I used to have in college or work is absolutely absent now in my life. This decreasing graph of friends in real life and increasing online friends isn’t helping much! I miss my friends many times and wonder if they also feel that life has moved on too fast leaving good old relations behind. Why does it become difficult to make friends at a later stage in life? Or is it just because right now i dont have a job so I dont get to meet many people. Which is why I have this feeling?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I get jealous when I see a picture of a friend with many other friends travelling somewhere or meeting up. Guess friends are really important and it does get difficult to find them later in life. Many of my friends now have groups of friends who are friends of their husbands! And I never see them with there own set of old friends. Husband’s friends become more important than own old friends. After my marriage I could not make many plans with the friends I made here because all there husbands would probably have plans. I miss being with friends who would just be ready to join in and plan something. Guess that’s how life goes. I sound very depressed!!! Well I am just missing my friends and just want to say cheers to people who have held their friendship bonds tightly and keep doing so regardless of how life goes on! Kudos!

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There are times when you feel that parents should know all the facts of life that children are going through. But what if children aren’t comfortable to talk with them. I never was a very talkative person. And I had lots of highs and lows in life which I could not share with anyone. I used to write a diary …. Diaries actually. And I wrote them backwards. You know so that no one would be able to read them.  But is writing sufficient when what you want is really someone to understand how you are feeling..

I never shared much with anybody. When I was in my last two years of high school I made a very dear friend with whom I was comfortable sharing few things. But still not everything was out.  I never felt the need of sharing it with parents anymore. And the life I started living was one where I was the person who motivated or demotivated myself. I gathered from many “morning chats and readings” my dad used to read out, was that it was not by listening to sermons, or reading books about high standard of living or any other person motivating, that we would start living a better life. But it solely depends on the will and thoughts of a person by we he/she can go ahead. I dislike reading non fiction about learning how to be a winner and stuff like that.  So till today I like to believe that I am the only person who can give myself a boost or loose it completely.

Today I talked with my aunt. She is a 72 year old lady full of passion for life. Anyone who sees her will envy and respect her for what she has accomplished. She grew up in a small city in India and was taught everything …..rituals and customs . Then she got married and came to US and has been living here since. That helped broaden her mind. She still talks the way she used to  and eats beetle leaves (paan) wears salwars and saree sometimes…. but then she writes books…she does gardening… she cooks ..she travels… she wears swimwears.. she climbs mountains…..damn she does everything!!!!  The talks we shared today was something which I thought I would speak with my parents or something which my husband would understand.. You know….. its just been 6 months of my marriage and I have a lots of hopes and dreams …. but every family has somethings which will just drag down the joy. getting accustomed to ways of living in a house other than yours will be difficult.  So the problems…. not problems actually but the changes and awkwardness that i wasnt able to tell anybody … suddenly were coming out from her mouth. She told me everything that I was keeping inside me. Yes… she understood me better than anyone has. I was just overwhelmed with joy and happiness and it felt really light after that. I wished everybody would have such ladies as mothers, mother in laws, sisters, wives……

So you see even if I would have written about the problems I am facing or the things I am not liking they still would have just remained inside me … at least a part of it.  But talking did help. And sometimes when the opportunity like this comes we should just speak up. Coz its not necessary that only our parents or friends will be the only one whom you can tell or hide …..But it may be a totally different person you have never shared anything with.