Here I am unemployed. Even after working for 2 years I switched my profession from computer engineering to animation. I studied animation and then got married. So even after I actually switched my profession I am yet to start working in it. And it has been almost 2 years that I am staying in America on a dependent visa. Now when I say anybody I am an animator I wonder to myself “Really?!! am I?!” I have not even felt how it is to work in any studio. Choosing a profession can put so much pressure I had never known! All I know that i changed my path because my parents had told me to always do something which I would love doing. And I definitely was not loving my IT job! It just wasnt me! Then what exactly did I want? What was it that I could do which would not feel like a heavy job to me? Animation had all the artistic feel to it and my 2 and half years of studying film making and animation was the most enjoyable and educative time of my life. And I knew that I have chosen the right path. Now suddenly after a gap of 2 years I feel distant to everything. Do i still want to go for animation or do I want to do something else. When I turn back from where I stand I see my juniors reaching heights. I see my friends having kids and starting a family. People have just dashed ahead it seems. And I am still standing at the position where I again dont know what I really want to do in life. All i know is I want to do something I would enjoy. And somehow I dont have an answer to that question again. In these 2 years of staying home and just performing the duties of a housewife i feel my skills have rusted. If I spend time shining them at what time will I do a job properly or rather reach any height? I believed that everything that happens is for a reason. But now I am a little scared that everybody is going ahead of me and I will be just left behind still thinking of what is it that I want to achieve. Too many questions and no answers yet from life. I wonder when I would get a clear view!!
Its been a year I am in USA. And its my birthday today. Last year I was all alone, no friends, did not know anybody, husband was busy working.. and it was the worst day of the year for me. I missed my friends and all the get together I had. I used to get a very special feeling a month before my birthday! I planned out my party and felt excited ! Some years I was away from home but had my friends and some years I was at home celebrating with my parents and relatives.. It was such a special feeling!
This year…I am missing everybody again.. Although i have few friends here but still I feel alone and miss my near ones. My husband is still busy working… I want the day to pass away quickly…My friends message me how my day is going and what party plans I have. And each time I answer them I realize I miss them so much! This feeling is stuck and because I did not want to keep thinking about it I though what better way than to pen down my feelings!
There are so many people who don’t understand the importance of being near close ones. I was one of them actually! I thought I would be able to cope anywhere.. I am but still there are times when I really feel I could be near my friends and relatives. Just a trip down memory lane… with all those special times and I feel here I am lost. Well.. guess its just a pang of emotions being vent out!
I pray everybody values the times they spend with their close ones because someday we just realize how precious moments they were!! Till then… Happy Birthday to me!! 🙂