Precious people!

Its been a year I am in USA. And its my birthday today. Last year I was all alone, no friends, did not know anybody, husband was busy working.. and it was the worst day of the year for me. I missed my friends and all the get together I had. I used to get a very special feeling a month before my birthday! I planned out my party and felt excited ! Some years I was away from home but had my friends and some years I was at home celebrating with my parents and relatives.. It was such a special feeling!

This year…I am missing everybody again.. Although i have few friends here but still I feel alone and miss my near ones. My husband is still busy working… I want the day to pass away quickly…My friends message me how my day is going and what party plans I have. And each time I answer them I realize I miss them so much! This feeling is stuck and because I did not want to keep thinking about it I though what better way than to pen down my feelings!

There are so many people who don’t understand the importance of being near close ones. I was one of them actually! I thought I would be able to cope anywhere.. I am but still there are times when I really feel I could be near my friends and relatives. Just a trip down memory lane… with all those special times and I feel here I am lost. Well.. guess its just a pang of emotions being vent out!

I pray everybody values the times they spend with their close ones because someday we just realize how precious moments they were!! Till then… Happy Birthday to me!! 🙂

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Dreams

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Everybody has a dream, a wish….to do something… It maybe something crazy like a jump from somewhere high..or just a dream job…however difficult and far fetched they may be… dreams are the reason we can feel passionate. And many times we dont realize what exactly that thing we wish for is. we may not be clear on what we want and we start searching for answers. We talk to other people, we google, we even talk with ourselves just to see what exactly that dream is.

Someday I went to the store and bought home a poster. I made my husband sit with me(coz he is always too busy with his job!!) and then we started thinking what actually do we dream of doing.. What will make us happy?  Combined we came up with 10 such wishful desires, which I wrote in colorful pens ( they were very colorful dreams!!!!) We suddenly saw that each dream had a tag behind it. Money. In order to do something to get to the dream money had to be spent.. That too enormous amounts. 😦 I will give you an example. One of the item on our list was world tour. Well….how can you travel if you have no money!  But you know its a dream. At least we came to know that it existed!  It was exciting to go through the dreams we had written….. Although it gave me a sense that everything on that list seemed difficult.

But then… such is a dream. If you dont dream you wont start off even knowing what you want. So I just keep on dreaming and try to clear my clouds and look into what I can do better to get closer to my dream. People start searching for your dreams…. it will definitely give you a boost from this tiresome worldly world!

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There it goes behind the clouds…I just missed it before I could see it…

The colors so vibrant, the magnetism drawing me closer…

just to find out what it is, I run everytime to sneak a peek

But alas I miss it almost everytime…….almost…

The uncontrollable desires which are searching a direction, I wish I could just see a section..

But it takes them too and flies away..and I keep looking for it tomorrow and today…

I know someday I will catch it and then I will be happier than ever,

For a dream is the start to the endless roads..which will be worth when we break all the codes..

Sharing and caring.

There are times when you feel that parents should know all the facts of life that children are going through. But what if children aren’t comfortable to talk with them. I never was a very talkative person. And I had lots of highs and lows in life which I could not share with anyone. I used to write a diary …. Diaries actually. And I wrote them backwards. You know so that no one would be able to read them.  But is writing sufficient when what you want is really someone to understand how you are feeling..

I never shared much with anybody. When I was in my last two years of high school I made a very dear friend with whom I was comfortable sharing few things. But still not everything was out.  I never felt the need of sharing it with parents anymore. And the life I started living was one where I was the person who motivated or demotivated myself. I gathered from many “morning chats and readings” my dad used to read out, was that it was not by listening to sermons, or reading books about high standard of living or any other person motivating, that we would start living a better life. But it solely depends on the will and thoughts of a person by we he/she can go ahead. I dislike reading non fiction about learning how to be a winner and stuff like that.  So till today I like to believe that I am the only person who can give myself a boost or loose it completely.

Today I talked with my aunt. She is a 72 year old lady full of passion for life. Anyone who sees her will envy and respect her for what she has accomplished. She grew up in a small city in India and was taught everything …..rituals and customs . Then she got married and came to US and has been living here since. That helped broaden her mind. She still talks the way she used to  and eats beetle leaves (paan) wears salwars and saree sometimes…. but then she writes books…she does gardening… she cooks ..she travels… she wears swimwears.. she climbs mountains…..damn she does everything!!!!  The talks we shared today was something which I thought I would speak with my parents or something which my husband would understand.. You know….. its just been 6 months of my marriage and I have a lots of hopes and dreams …. but every family has somethings which will just drag down the joy. getting accustomed to ways of living in a house other than yours will be difficult.  So the problems…. not problems actually but the changes and awkwardness that i wasnt able to tell anybody … suddenly were coming out from her mouth. She told me everything that I was keeping inside me. Yes… she understood me better than anyone has. I was just overwhelmed with joy and happiness and it felt really light after that. I wished everybody would have such ladies as mothers, mother in laws, sisters, wives……

So you see even if I would have written about the problems I am facing or the things I am not liking they still would have just remained inside me … at least a part of it.  But talking did help. And sometimes when the opportunity like this comes we should just speak up. Coz its not necessary that only our parents or friends will be the only one whom you can tell or hide …..But it may be a totally different person you have never shared anything with.

The First Few Days…and next…

One of the things I was worried about after marriage was my clothing. It may seem a very small stupid thing. But imagine having to wear a saree all day with jewellery. (Saree is a looong piece of cloth draped onto oneself, generally women in India wear it). Its a tedious process of covering up the body. Unless you have been wearing it for quite some time and have got used to it.

The art of saree wearingAnd I was always in my jeans and a top everytime before marriage. So I really had a problem wearing sarees. Initially I tried and if I was not very successful in draping myself, I would peep out from the room I had got and see if there were any women to help me fix it!!! And yes 1 or 2 did help me. It was a ritual that I wasn’t supposed to enter the kitchen till 3 days of the marriage. So I literally had nothing else to do except be all dressed up in the morning and sit, ready for more people to come and see me. And I had to put a section of the saree on my head…..as I wasnt supposed to go in front of people with nothing on the head.  I would have worn a cap but…… ofcourse not.

So 3 days went by like that.  Same routine day and night. And yes I wasn’t allowed to sleep on the same bed as my husband’s till day 4. Again custom. Then after 4 days the day came when I was supposed to enter the kitchen and cook something. That day I woke up, got ready and when i came out I saw 4 people cutting vegetables. Well there was no pressure on me as they wern’t talking about me cooking. I was beginning to think that maybe i was spared…..but…ahem ahem….. then came the discussion. I ended up making food for 15 people…. chicken curry , vegetable curry …and a curd dish. And Indian chicken curry is supposed to be spicy else no one likes it… Well cooking never was a problem for me but for 15 people!!! My hand was scolding me and threatening me never to move again!!!! Then I served it to whomever came…. And suddenly there seemed to be more than 15 people….. Well….The chiken curry was a hit!!! And guess what I got money from two people as blessings for making good food……. PayOff!!!!

There were many times in the day that I wanted to spend some time with my husband… But he was kinda kept busy running errands. So it was all new people who came and visited me. And then there were those who had attended the marriage reception and were showing there face again…. “Do you remember me??? ” How would I remember anybody new whom I had met among a crowd of 6 7 hundred odd people… “MMMMM…. yesss I think I do remember!!!” Thats what I said just to be spared from the whole linking up relations to remind me who they were.

Eventually things settled down and by day 6 7 the crowd was a minimum. I started to sleep with my husband. Attended two prayer rituals still wearing saree(aaarrrrrrrrggggg!!!!). What kept me on was a good time of the marriage where  I was supposed to go home to my parents house on the 8th day. I went on  7th night…. and then trust me when I say this….I reached home ….ran inside my room…threw off the saree and changed into my comfy pajamas and gave out a shriek of joy.minion_despicable_me_by_sangreprimitiva-d646doc My parents ofcourse were happy to see me. Although I was supposed to stay for a day ….freedom tasted much sweeter….

Also me and my husband were supposed to go to Phoenix. He was working onsite and I was looking at getting a visa. After 7 days of stay at my home … My visa interview was scheduled in Mumbai, India. And I passed it!! Yeeeaaaaaaahh!!! I was happpyyyy… I was back to my jeans… with my husband… alone in Mumbai…. And then my parents joined us to bid farewell to US. All was well…and then we just flew.

Now I am in Phoenix. Its been 6 and a half months .. Its been a little tough  and I see my mother in law snoring in front of me right now…….but…. thats another story!!!!