Jobs etc…

Well, suddenly i feel that I am doing justice to the name of my blog! These really are confessions I need to make to myself. Keeping thoughts inside me doesnt seem to be of any good. Surprisingly I am not sharing my thoughts with anyone. And look, how easy it is for me to pen down my nuances here. Not being bothered by thinking who will read my thoughts! Seems to be magic.

If any of you have seen Harry Potter, then you should recall something called as a Pensieve.                                                                                                              dumbledore.

For those who don’t know what it is, a pensieve is a  magical device which can store memories. And when needed we can view these memories. I really wish this could be true! So many threads of memories jammed up in the head. A pensieve would definitely make the brain light! I guess for us writing could be our Pensieve. Ok… now for some grief pent up inside. So hear i pour them.

I came back to India after 2 years. Things seem to have changed. Prices,polution,population,noise, and I can go on. Now my friends tell me “Badi aayi America waali”( dont act like an American!) Now after 2 months of staying here i have got used to everything so no more of that sentence.I always say to myself that confidence comes from within. And the only person who can help me is myself. So its important to have faith in oneself. I have forgotten what I had studied 2 years ago.So right now I am doing a recap. When I came here I was all into getting a job mood. But I realised that I should gather up my studies a bit.  Now my husband earns a decent sum of money. Recently he has been talking about trying to do something of his own and thinking about what side job he can do to pay off the bills, loans…..everything. I am unable to tell him that I am utterly disappointed in myself for not getting a job yet. Sometimes I feel I will not be able to do anything. This whole time my parents, good people , books, told  me that we should all do what we love to do. I dont know why right now I feel lost. My friends have reached heights and positions in their jobs. Where as I am still the same state of confusion as to what exactly is it that I love doing, which could be my job. All these thoughts just because i dont have a job yet. Everybody around me seems to be making money doing anything. But just because I have stopped doing anything and searching to do something I would love,is causing me to lose confidence in myself. My friends in America believe that I would definitely reach heights. My parents tell me that it is okay to forget stuff and everything will be fine. My husband believes that I would probably get a job when I am ready.

I stay at home now trying to recollect my bits. And somehow everyday my day ends up in attending to daily chores. Because we have rented a house, it seems to me that there are endless problems in the house which are taking up my time. Plumbers, electricians saying they would come but ending up coming at a time I would just have started my studies. Days wasted just to get things fixed. Utterly disappointed with the way things are working here. The sole time I can give to my work gets to just 4 5 hours and that is absolutely nothing. Being unable to properly do anything, many times I just feel very sad. I just feel I am not trying enough to get a job so that I could help my husband.

Still, I am trying to be positive somehow and planning to make the day go better. There are many things to learn from life. At first I felt that my life is the same after marriage as it was before. But let me put a break there!! It isn’t the same. Hoping for a better time to come. Just a phase which I guess many people may be going through. So people … there it is my crazy, perhaps temporary thoughts. My pensieve is full.

Thoughts of the known and unknown….

alone-on-the-playground

Weekly Writing Challenge: 1,000 Words – This post is for the writing challenge. To decipher what we see from this picture above. I looked at the picture and wondered what the story behind the girl was.. and then i thought…what is the story behind those animals!! And from there on came up an imagination which led to this short writing.. I hope you enjoy it!

“Don’t you think its late?? There were so many children yesterday! Why aren’t there any now?? Where have all of them gone?”

“Well Greeney, i thought after so many years you would have understood that there are 2 days when all children come and play and then the day when we are left mostly alone”, said Petal the horse.

” Now now, don’t fight over this again. We all know how BIIGGGGG Greeney’s brain is!!! Dont we ! But you know standing in front of this empty restaurant for so many years I wish we could have been somewhere else”.

“Where Tiggy?? This is the world!! There is nothing after that big tree on the corner!! The world ends there.  I really wonder where so many kids come from on those 2 days!” said Winne.

” I am bigger and taller than any of you and I can see further than that big tree. Thats not the end. I see a building after that tree.. and there is where the world ends. I suppose all the children stay there”, said Jiffy the Giraffe.

“I wish I could move round and round faster than any of you. Its really hot today! Oh why isnt anyone coming ?? Will be remain stuck here forever??. WIll there ever be a chance when we can see past the boundaries and have a glimpse of what the world’s end looks like????

For a moment everybody started thinking on what Bushy the rabbit had just thought of. That was the only place they had ever been to. And my what all they had seen from there! The 2 days they loved because there were people and children all around and everything was bright. The mom’ s fighting over “who pushed whom first”, the children jumping on the carousel and shrieking at the top of the voices, dad coming out from the end of the world and playing with the children. Yes all of them had witnessed a lot of emotions of people. And they loved when someone was with them. But today it was again Monday.

” i wish someone would come and ride me. Sometimes it feels so lonely. Sighhh….” The moment Greeny had said this a little girl walks up  and stares at them.

“Me me me sit on me and I will glide away!!!” says Petal

“No it has to be me. She is looking at me. Definitely she will sit with me.  I look more clean than all of you!!

“Oh please Greeny” , all of them say in unison and suddenly become quite. With hopes that the little girl will sit on anyone of them so that they will feel the winds blowing a little more but mostly so that they turn and see the parts of the world around them they had missed while standing there for so long.

And then the girl turned around and just sat on the carousel.

“Is she just going to sit there???’ asked Winne

“I wish I could just sit like you all and do nothing all day long”, sighed the little girl, Daisy,  and wondered what it was like to be a part of the carousel.

A fear….a start…

I am a housewife. But i wasn’t always and neither will be. Just that for some time now, 6 and a half months to be precise I am one of the “housewives”. I always wanted to start writing and sharing my experiences with everyone. But there was a fear that if one of my relatives would read it and would understand about whom I was writing then….. you know! I need not fill in that! But now here I am, starting to write to my heart’s content without having to worry anything. Is it because I dont care anymore that someone I know will read this?? Well ofcourse not!!!!! Its because i have changed my name!!! And BAM!!!! It becomes so easy to write!!.
I was working for an IT company and then I left my job to pursue my dreams! I wanted to do something in art. So I figured everything and joined an animation college. Had the best years of my life there and also my love life started. Ultimately my love life came to the point where we had to give it a name.. Marriage. So yes we got married.
My life as a married lady begins from the day I actually felt that some major change will happen and a little fear trickled up the spine. I had not had that feeling even during the marriage. But there it was after everything was over and when i was supposed to go to my new home. I was full of nerves, confusions and dilemmas that i had never felt in my life!
From that day till now 6 and half months I have been through many many emotions. And I will write them fearlessly because I am not scared!

to be continued……